WatchingIt Ends With Usas a Domestic Violence Survivor, I Saw Myself Onscreen (Exclusive)

Mar. 15, 2025

Atria Books; Nicole Rivelli/Sony Pictures Entertainment

When I went to an early screening ofIt Ends With Us, the screen adaptation of Colleen Hoover’s bestselling book, I packed as many tissues as I could stuff in my pockets. I twisted my fingers around each other as Blake Lively’s Lily met Justin Baldoni’s Ryle, silently mouthing the mantra my therapist taught me.You’re safe. You’re loved. You’re strong.

And when the eponymous Casserole Scene splashed across the screen, I recognized the terror in Lily’s face, the flash of anger on Ryle’s. My chest tightened and I couldn’t help but flash back to a similar scene from my own past.

As Ryle and Lily debriefed his outburst, her injuries and both of their rationalizations for the way things went down, I remembered sitting at a not-so-different kitchen counter, having a conversation that mirrored theirs so closely, it brought tears to my eyes.

Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni star in ‘It Ends With Us’.Nicole Rivelli/Sony Pictures Entertainment

Nicole Rivelli/Sony Pictures Entertainment

I recalled giving my abuser’s photograph to the receptionist at my job and warning her not to let him in, checking every few years to make sure I still have his threatening emails and voicemails, that the old police reports are still tucked in my safe. Just in case the saga that tried to ruin my life isn’t over, because that’s the thing about trauma: It never really goes away.

I’m not going to name my abuser in this essay because my story isn’t about him. I’m bigger than the way he tried to control me, stronger than the fear that strangled my voice for years after he put his hands on me for the first time in 2007. Back then, he swore he didn’t know what he was doing, didn’t mean it, wouldn’t do it again. He did. He did. He did.

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I eventually got out from under his influence, got enough therapy to practically open my own practice, swore I’d never let anyone direct the trajectory of my life ever again. As Hoover writes in the book, “We break the pattern before the pattern breaks us.”

WatchingIt Ends With Usas a domestic violence survivor was hard. I won’t sugarcoat it, because I don’t believe in doing that anymore. But it was also profoundly healing to see my experience mirrored onscreen. I texted my own real-life version of Lily’s best friend Allyssa when it was over. “I survived,” I wrote. “And I loved it.”

Colleen Hoover, author of ‘It Ends With Us’ and an executive producer on the film.Eric Charbonneau

Eric Charbonneau

Afterward, we all emerged with smeared mascara, puffy eyes and the kind of emotional hangover that only comes from wringing out your heart like a wet dishrag. We boarded buses to take us back to the hotel, chattering about our favorite parts, that beautiful score, the outfits (the outfits!) and how closely it hewed to the book. What I didn’t feel was exploited, or alone. I fell back into bed after midnight, my heart full. That’s the beauty of watching art in community, I realized. Even if it’s hard, everyone around you is experiencing some version of the same thing.

The film version ofIt Ends With Usreminded me of my favorite lines from the book: “Naked truths aren’t always pretty.” In this case, the truths aren’t pretty, but the portrayal is. It felt like another step on my lifelong road to proving to myself that you can knock me down, but I’m strong enough to get back up, dust myself off, and keep on walking.

It Ends With Usis in theaters nationwide on Aug. 9.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go tothehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.

source: people.com