Woman Demoted from Maid of Honor Questions If Overseas Destination Wedding Is Still Worth Cost of Attending

Mar. 15, 2025

Stock photo of a woman traveling to a destination wedding.Photo:Getty

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After getting demoted from maid of honor to bridesmaid, one woman started reconsidering the costs of traveling for her best friend’s wedding.

Posting on a popularAITA Redditforum, an anonymous user wondered if she was in the wrong for “refusing to attend” her longtime pal’s “incredibly expensive” wedding abroad. Her decision to drop out of the event came after the bride — whom the user calls Jenny — delivered some unfortunate news about the wedding party hierarchy.

“Jenny informed me that she had decided to make her sister the maid of honor instead but still wanted me to be a bridesmaid. She explained her family was putting pressure on her since it’s a family tradition,” the user explained.

She also noted that she agreed to be Jenny’s maid of honor “immediately” after she got engaged, and the friend had already “started helping with the planning, from dress shopping to tasting cakes.”

Stock photo of a destination wedding.Getty

“Between flights, accommodations, and other expenses, we’re talking about a significant amount of money,” the former maid of honor wrote online. “I started reevaluating whether I could justify the cost, especially since I’ve had some financial setbacks recently (unexpected car repairs, medical bills, etc.).”

Eventually, she decided to tell Jenny she couldn’t afford to make the trip, but the bride wasn’t so sympathetic.

“She was upset and accused me of backing out because I was no longer the maid of honor. She said I was letting my pride get in the way of our friendship and that if I really cared, I’d find a way to make it work financially,” the user recalled. “I feel terrible. I want to be there for her, but the financial strain is too much for me, especially now that my role in the wedding—and my involvement in the planning—has changed.”

Stock photo of an upset bride.Getty

“Not sure where the idea came from that to ‘prove your friendship’ a person has to go into debt,” one commenter wrote. “Buying a dress is one thing but flights, hotel, meals, rental car, gift … It’s ridiculous.”

Another person agreed, writing, “The whole point of destination [weddings] when they first became a thing was to be able to invite people knowing they likely wouldn’t come, and thus keep the wedding small and more affordable without hurt feelings of not making the guest list.”

Some urged the author to consider how the bride could help, if she truly wanted the author present on her wedding day: “If it’s important for her that you are there, she will foot the bill,” read one anonymous reply.

source: people.com